Stress management is a cornerstone of health—it's the steady foundation that keeps the rest of our efforts balanced and functional. In this installment of the Health and Consistency series, we’re diving deep into the stress management pillar. Specifically, we’ll explore how the recovery principle of changing “people, places, and things” can help us manage stress, reduce the risk of addiction returning, and ultimately create a healthier, more peaceful life.
You may have heard it before: “Let go of the toxic people, avoid the triggering places, and stop holding onto unhealthy habits.” But what does that actually mean in practice? And how do we handle situations where we can’t avoid certain people, places, or things altogether?
Let’s unpack this concept together.
The “People, Places, and Things” Principle: A Stress Management Hack
I bet y'all didn't know this about me, but I used to be a therapist for a drug court program in another life. Seriously. I graduated from my masters program, did a short stint in contract therapy work, and then got a job as a drug court counselor, helping people with addictions to substances, mandated legally to this treatment program, achieve sobriety.
If you knew me in high school, you would have giggled, because I have total snitch energy. Like I had never even been offered a cigarette prior to helping serve this population. I waited to drink alcohol until I was 21 years old, because research shows this lowers your chance of alcoholism. I had to google what meth looked like! I'm grateful for the experience I gained in that job. I learned a lot about addiction, recovery and what works to stay healthy in this job as a counselor for people with addictions.
This brings me to a statement we would talk about ad nauseam in our group therapy sessions: "If you want to stay sober, you have to change people, places and things. You can't hang out with the same people you used with, you can't go to the same places you used at, and you can't do the same things you did while abusing drugs or alcohol." This idea of changing people, places, and things comes from Alcoholics Anonymous, and it's really about changing the conditioning in your brain that is super-charged with addictions to substances.
I would argue that the conditioning you experiencing in addiction can happen with anything though, including relationships, certain places, and with certain apps (*cough, cough TikTok). If you always scroll your phone while on the couch at nighttime, your brain's reward center starts to associate dopamine with you sitting on the couch, and primes you to start scrolling the moment your butt touches the leather. Or if we use the relationship example, many people have dated at least one person that they felt very attached to, despite knowing this person wasn't good for them. They feel the anticipation and excitement (the reward system in the brain) when that person even texts them. That's how powerful conditioning is. So, in order to break conditioning, we have to let go of the triggers associated with the reward. Check out this article on the reward system in the brain linked here if you're curious about it.
This recovery concept is simple on the surface: to move forward in a healthy, addiction-free life, we often need to leave behind the people, places, and things that tied us to our old patterns. However, while it’s straightforward in theory, it’s much more complicated in practice.
Why? Because people, places, and things often carry strong emotional connections. They represent comfort, even if they aren’t good for us. Walking away from them can feel like losing a part of ourselves or stepping into the unknown.
But here’s the truth: if we don’t address these stressors head-on, they’ll slowly chip away at our progress. When we surround ourselves with toxicity—whether it’s a person who drags us down, an environment that breeds negativity, or habits that numb rather than heal—we keep ourselves tethered to stress and the potential for relapse or burnout.
Leaving Toxic People Behind
One of the hardest decisions we face is removing toxic people from our lives. These might be individuals we’ve known forever—a lifelong friend who’s become more draining than supportive, or a family member whose criticism cuts too deep. Letting go of these relationships can feel selfish or guilt-inducing, but in reality, it’s an act of self-preservation.
Here’s a personal example: I once had a friend who was quick to undermine my progress whenever I shared a win. They’d dismiss my hard work, saying things like, “You’re just lucky,” or, “Must be nice to have that kind of time.” For a while, I brushed it off, convincing myself they didn’t mean harm. But over time, I noticed how their words affected me. I’d feel deflated after spending time with them, questioning my worth and my journey.
Eventually, I realized their negativity wasn’t my responsibility to manage. I had to let them go—not with anger, but with a quiet understanding that my well-being mattered more than their approval. And you know what? The relief was almost immediate. Without their influence, I could celebrate my wins unapologetically and surround myself with people who lifted me up instead.
If you’re grappling with toxic relationships, ask yourself: Is this person helping me grow, or are they holding me back? It’s not easy to walk away, but it’s often necessary to create space for peace and joy.
Steering Clear of Triggering Places
Our environment plays a huge role in our stress levels. Certain places can be deeply tied to old habits, unhealthy routines, or even traumatic experiences. For example, a bar where you used to drink heavily, a neighborhood that feels unsafe, or a workplace that drains your energy.
When I was working in an overly demanding job, the office became a source of constant tension. Just walking into the building made my shoulders tense up, and by the end of the day, I was emotionally and physically exhausted. It wasn’t just the work itself—it was the atmosphere. Gossip, unrealistic expectations, and a lack of support made it impossible to feel at ease.
I realized I couldn’t thrive in that environment, so I made a plan to leave. It wasn’t an impulsive decision; it took months of preparation. But when I finally left that toxic workplace, I felt like I could breathe again.
If there are places in your life that feel more draining than energizing, ask yourself if you can change your relationship with them—or if it’s time to move on entirely. And when walking away isn’t an option, consider what boundaries you can set to protect your peace.
Addressing Harmful Habits and Things
“Things” can include objects, behaviors, or routines that keep us stuck in cycles of stress and poor health. This might be social media that feeds comparison, a shopping habit that drains your finances, or even a cluttered home that adds to mental chaos.
For me, one of the hardest “things” to let go of was my overcommitment to being everything for everyone. I used to say yes to every request, convinced that saying no would let people down or make me seem unreliable. But this habit led to constant burnout.
Eventually, I realized that I was carrying stress I didn’t need to carry. By learning to say no—and being okay with the discomfort that sometimes followed—I reclaimed my energy and started focusing on what truly mattered.
What About When You Can’t Leave?
Of course, there are times when walking away isn’t an option. Maybe the toxic person is a family member you still want in your life, or the stressful place is your hometown, where you’re deeply rooted.
In these cases, boundaries become your best friend. Boundaries aren’t about shutting people or places out completely—they’re about creating healthy limits that protect your emotional and mental well-being. Boundaries communicate what we will do if ____ happens or doesn't happen.
For instance, if you have a family member who’s overly critical, you might limit how much time you spend with them or redirect conversations when they turn negative. An assertive example of a boundary with them might sound like, "If the topic moves towards discussing my weight, I'm going to end the conversation." If your workplace is stressful, you might set boundaries around your availability, like not answering emails after hours.
Boundaries require practice and patience, but they’re a powerful way to reclaim control over your stress levels.
Why This Matters for Stress Management
Stress is a cumulative experience—it builds over time. When we allow toxic people, places, or things to remain in our lives unchecked, the stress they create doesn’t just go away. It lingers, affecting our mood, our physical health, and our ability to make healthy choices.
On the flip side, when we proactively address these stressors, we create a life that feels lighter, more aligned, and more manageable. By letting go of what no longer serves us and setting boundaries with what we can’t avoid, we give ourselves the space to heal, grow, and thrive.
Moving Forward
Take a moment to reflect:
Are there people in your life who feel more draining than uplifting?
Are there places that trigger feelings of stress or negativity?
Are there habits or “things” that keep you stuck in cycles of anxiety or overwhelm?
Start small. Choose one person, place, or thing to address this week. Whether it’s letting go, setting a boundary, or rethinking your relationship with them, remember: every step you take toward reducing stress is a step toward a healthier, more consistent life.
Managing stress isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. And when you prioritize your peace, you create space for every other pillar of health to thrive.
Take exquisite care of yourself,
Megan
