So You Wanna Lose Weight This Year, Huh?: How to Pursue Healthy Goals for a Lifetime instead of Just for the New Year (The Health & Consistency Series)

Hi friends!

Today, I'd thought we'd tackle the ever-looming topic of new year's resolutions, and with that, the most popular one by far: losing weight.

"This is the year I lose the weight!," I thought... in 2013, 2014, 2016, 2018 and 2020, and 2021, and... You get the picture. I did it to myself every year. In fact, I can't recall a year past the age of 12 where I didn't wish I was 'just a little thinner.' I attended my first WeightWatchers meeting in my teens (why????), and I know it was by my request and desire for a thinner, more socially acceptable body. Now, I look back at pictures from high school, and I think that I must have had intense body dysmorphia, because my body was proportional and healthy.

So, if you're wondering if I see you, understand you, or hear you, I truly do. I've lost and gained enough weight to the equivalent of at least 1 (maybe 2) whole adult human over the course of my life. Okay, so the ADHD part of me went ahead and calculated it, because I was curious: 174 pounds, lost and gained, from 2014-today. I get why you want to lose the weight, and I get why it's been so hard.

But two-ish years ago, I decided to change the goal. No longer was I going to force myself to make my goal solely losing weight, because spoiler alert: it. wasn't. working. I changed my outlook to pursuing health overall and consistency. And I want you to consider that as a possible goal for you too.

I'm almost 85 pounds smaller now (this process has taken two long years and has happened 4 years after getting an autoimmune diagnosis, being pregnant five separate times but only carrying to term 2 children, and leaving a workplace that was making me physically unhealthy). Weight loss was part of the goal, but the majority of my goal was figuring out how to manage my new illness, be present for my child, and be healthy well into the future.

Before my mindset transformation two years ago, I felt trapped on a dreadful merry-go-round at the carnival of restrictive eating habits, body dysmorphia, and punishing exercise routines. I've moved on from the yo-yo dieting culture.

You can get off this merry-go-round, too. Allow me to show you how.

So I thought we'd do a series of ways you could pursue overall health and consistency in the new year, without stressing about weight loss. How does that sound?

This post, let's focus on exercising consistently. That's it. Maybe you start with that habit development in 2025. If you start with one healthy habit and get it down, then you can add to it month by month and change your life, one step at a time.

I've become an exercise enthusiast and have completely transformed my perspective on working out. Previously, I viewed it solely as a means to 'get smaller' or lose weight, but now I recognize its broader benefits. Exercise helps me maintain my mental health, better manage my anxiety, improve my chances of living independently as I age, and lower my risk of diseases like Alzheimer's and cancer. It has shifted from something I dreaded to something I love, because I altered how, when, where, and why I exercised. I believe you can become an exercise lover too. Take a look at some tips below.

My 6 tips for making exercise fun and consistent are:

1. Consider skipping the gym membership. Seriously. If you're neurodivergent or busy or your work schedule is hectic or you require childcare, the gym is not realistic for you. I promise. I know you. You know you. And I know that you know that you won't drive to the gym every morning at 5:30am once it gets really dark and cold outside. And then you'll feel guilty for skipping. And then you'll let the guilt and shame keep you from going there. Then it'll become a ball of anxiety and nerves and feeling foolish everytime you don't go, and you'll never achieve your goals.

   
   

   

   
   

   Plus gyms are overstimulating. (now, if you LOVE the gym, totally fine to keep going there, but most of us just think we need a gym membership and we really. truly. don't.) I workout daily with GrowwithJo on her app, and I LOVE it! It's fun, fresh, and accessible. I can literally roll out of bed and click a button and start working out. And thus, brings me to my second tip...

2. Find what type of movement feels least like work for you. So, if you find that you love weightlifting, try a few different weightlifting youtubers and see what you like. If you used to love to dance, find a dance youtuber you love (I like Emkfit)! Go for a walk outside if you love the scenery. You don't have to do a bootcamp where you get yelled at, if you don't want to. Gone are the days of the early 2000s where we all punished ourselves with movement we didn't love. Now, movement needs to be accessible, fun and freeing. It needs to be something you can stick to, for the long haul. And you need to investigate and try new options from time to time to keep your routine and feelings towards it fresh. Of course, I'm also a huge proponent of GrowwithJo, and her app Growwithjo home. She's amazing! (And her attitude towards exercise is so healthy and not 'too much.'). You can try her workouts out for free on Youtube as well!

3. Try the five minute timer trick. I tell myself on hard mornings: "I'm going to just workout for five minutes and if the timer goes off and I want to quit, I will." And guess what? I never have, because by five minutes in, the feel-good endorphins are flowing and I feel like finishing the workout.

4. Pick a 'walkout' song to pump you up for the exercise of the day. Yup, just like they have in baseball. I chose 'We Ready' by Archie Eversole and play it on days when I just don't want to. In fact, create a whole playlist of walkout songs!

5. Remind yourself of what future you deserves or will gain by working out. Future you deserves a body that is healthy and moves freely and easily well into your old age. Future you deserves for you to keep the promises you make to yourself. Future you needs to know that they can depend on present you to make the daily decisions to help you live well, both now and later. Sometimes, I imagine myself in my old age, being able to garden and live independently and travel and then I push myself harder in my workout today. I want that future, and I know you do too. No one pictures themselves being bed-bound in a nursing home for their future. So, do the work now so you can reap the benefits later.

6. Figure out what motivates you: is it competition? Progress photos? Moving up in dumbbell weights? Stats on your Apple or Garmin Watch improving? And then, write down your moments when you notice how working out is bettering your life. Choose to only write down the moments where your body is being bettered overall, not just getting smaller. Because sometimes, we don't get smaller, we just get better, healthier, or stronger.

There you have it, try these tips in the new year and see if you can't move the needle and make yourself a lover of exercise. Over the past year, I have become the person who gets up at 5:30am and works out every single day. And I can confidently say that I do love it. That it has been the best thing ever. And I'm really glad I started pursuing health & consistency over a smaller body.

Keep up the good work, friends. I see you trying to better yourself every single day, and I am proud of you.

Take exquisite care of yourselves,

Megan

When the Holidays Aren’t the Most Wonderful Time of the Year: Embracing a ‘Merry Little Christmas’

Hi friends!

I hope you are doing well. I am looking forward to the joy and sorrow this holiday season brings. I'm ready for the new year and all of its hope. I hope you are feeling more ready too. If not, this blog post is just for you. All of you is welcome here. Even the parts that hate the holiday season with a passion, or the parts that feel lonely, aloof, or sad this year, and you can't exactly pinpoint why. Perhaps my words will enlighten you.

The holiday season comes with a powerful mix of expectations and emotions. As the incessantly cheerful and nostalgic music begins playing in every store, audacious advertisements flood our screens (anyone else still appalled by the car commercials where husbands just buy a vehicle and put a bow on it with no input from their wives? Just me? Oh. Carry on then.), and glitzy plans fill our calendars, we are often presented with an idealized version of the holidays—a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. Songs like "It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" encourage us to believe that everyone must be merry, festive, and fulfilled.

maybe you thought your Christmas season would look like this...

However, for many people, the holidays evoke a more intricate emotional experience—one that might resonate more with the somber undertones of the original lyrics of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."

The truth is that the holidays can feel heavy, complex, or downright lonely. And that's okay. If this resonates with you or someone you care about, let’s take a closer look at why this time of year can feel difficult, the emotional contrast between these two famous holiday songs, and how we can approach this season with self-compassion.

Perhaps your Christmas looks like this dumpster fire instead.

The Pressure of “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”

Andy Williams’ upbeat classic “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” paints a vivid picture of holiday cheer:

"It’s the most wonderful time of the year, with the kids jingle-belling, and everyone telling you be of good cheer."

The song builds an image of perfect family gatherings, laughter-filled parties, and sparkling celebrations. And while this might feel true for some, for others it sets an impossible standard—one that can heighten feelings of loneliness, grief, and inadequacy. When you’re struggling, whether due to loss, family conflict, maintaining sobriety, financial stress, or mental health concerns, being told to “be of good cheer” can feel invalidating, even dismissive.

The gap between what you “should” be feeling and what you actually feel can create a sense of dissonance. If you’re already coping with difficult emotions, hearing these messages on repeat can amplify shame and self-criticism. Why can’t I just enjoy the season like everyone else? Why am I the one who feels sad, anxious, or empty?

The truth is that no one’s holiday season is perfect. Life doesn’t pause for us to celebrate. Illness, loss, financial difficulties, concerns around sobriety, and strained relationships don’t suddenly resolve just because the calendar hits December. If anything, these struggles can feel magnified.

A Different Holiday Song: The Original “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”

In contrast, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” offers a more grounded and bittersweet perspective. History fact a la Wikipedia: 'Some of the original lyrics penned by Martin were rejected before filming began. When presented with the original draft lyric, Garland, her co-star Tom Drake and director Vincente Minnelli criticized the song as depressing, and asked Martin to change the lyrics. Though he initially resisted, Martin made several changes to make the song more upbeat.

For example, the lines "It may be your last / Next year we may all be living in the past" became "Let your heart be light / Next year all our troubles will be out of sight". Garland's version of the song, which was also released as a single by Decca Records, became popular among United States troops serving in World War II; her performance at the Hollywood Canteen brought many soldiers to tears.' The song's original lyrics captured the ache and quiet hope of the season:

“Have yourself a merry little Christmas, it may be your last / Next year we may all be living in the past.”

“Someday soon we all will be together, if the fates allow / Until then we’ll have to muddle through somehow.”

While these lyrics were softened over time (Frank Sinatra was the next artist to request edits) to sound more hopeful, their core message remains poignant. The holidays aren’t always about exuberant joy; sometimes, they’re about muddling through. They acknowledge the pain of separation, the bittersweet nature of memory, and the reality that joy and sorrow often coexist. In fact, you can't have joy without sorrow. The contrast between the two feelings is what defines them. It's what gives us empathy. It helps us understand what other people are going through.

This version of the song is tender and realistic, honoring the truth that sometimes the best we can do is have a "merry little Christmas." And that’s enough.

Why the Holidays Can Feel Heavy: Understanding ‘Holiday Syndrome’

The phenomenon known as “holiday syndrome” can help explain why the holiday season is challenging for many people. Coined by psychiatrist Dr. John L. Cameron, the term refers to the emotional and physical stress that often arises during the holidays. Symptoms may include heightened anxiety, depression, irritability, and fatigue—all of which are amplified by the pressure to perform happiness and perfection during this season.

Several factors contribute to holiday syndrome:

1. Grief and Loss: For those who have lost loved ones, the holidays can intensify feelings of grief. Traditions, empty chairs at the table, or memories of happier times can serve as painful reminders of who is no longer there.

2. Family Dynamics: Many people experience stress or conflict during family gatherings. Old wounds may resurface, or difficult relationships can feel unavoidable during obligatory celebrations.

3. Financial Stress: The pressure to buy gifts, host events, or travel can cause significant financial strain, especially for individuals already facing economic challenges.

4. Loneliness: For those without close family or friends nearby, the holidays can deepen feelings of isolation. Seeing others celebrate together may highlight one’s own sense of disconnection. The holiday season can also be particularly hard to navigate if you've made significant changes this year, like getting sober, moving away from toxic family members, or navigating the end of a relationship or marriage. If you find yourself 'white-knuckling' to make it through, please know that many, many other people feel just like you do.

5. Unrealistic Expectations: Whether it’s the desire for a “perfect” holiday or the need to meet others’ expectations, this pressure can lead to exhaustion and disappointment.

   
   

Understanding that holiday syndrome is a real and common experience can help normalize the struggles you may feel. You are not alone in finding this time of year difficult.

Embracing a “Merry Little Christmas”: Permission to Feel

If the holidays bring up more sadness or stress than joy, it’s important to give yourself permission to feel exactly as you do. Instead of forcing yourself to meet an external standard of holiday cheer, try to embrace your reality with compassion. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Honor Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel down, isolated, or stressed during the holidays. Allow yourself to acknowledge and sit with those emotions. Holidays are rife with trauma anniversaries, anxiety-provoking social interactions, and financial stress. It makes sense if you feel 'stuff' right now. All of your old 'stuff' is probably coming to the surface.

2. Create Your Own Traditions and Drop the Performance: If old traditions bring painful memories, consider creating new ones that feel more meaningful or manageable. This might mean a quiet evening with a favorite movie, volunteering, or taking a walk in nature. Traditions can be shifted. And maybe by shifting them, your feelings will shift too. Letting go of the act might involve not forcing yourself to appear ecstatic or snapping countless photos for Instagram. It means being true to yourself, right where you are, at this moment, and valuing the path that brought you here.

3. Set Boundaries: Protect your time and energy by saying no to events, conversations, or commitments that feel draining. You don’t have to attend every party or meet every expectation. You also don't have to buy gifts for every person that buys you a gift. You can limit the celebration to what feels feasible and festive, for you.

4. Focus on Small Moments of Comfort: Instead of striving for perfection, find peace in small joys: a cup of hot Christmas tea, a fuzzy blanket, the twinkling lights, or connection with a loved one. Let “a merry little Christmas” be enough. Matching pajamas and a meticulously crafted Christmas card do not create a joyful holiday.

5. Seek Support: If you’re struggling, know that you don’t have to face it alone. Reaching out to friends, family, or a mental health professional can help you navigate this season with thoughtfulness, support and intention.

Your Holidays Don’t Have to Be Perfect.

The holidays are often portrayed as the most joyful, wonderful time of the year. But if you find yourself feeling melancholy, lonely, or overwhelmed, you’re not alone. The bittersweet message of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” reminds us that it’s okay to honor our struggles and allow ourselves to simply muddle through when needed.

This year, give yourself the gift of compassion. Whether your holiday feels joyful, painful, or somewhere in between, know that it’s enough to have a merry little Christmas in whatever form that takes for you.

And if you need to meet with a therapist after the holidays so that you stop just 'muddlin' through somehow,' schedule a consultation with me here. I'd love to help you find a way for a little merriness to shine through, even in really dark times.

Take Exquisite Care of Yourself,

Megan

What is Nervous System Regulation?

Hi friends,

I hope you are all getting back into the swing of normal life, in this weird twilight zone around the holiday season. I had a nice, relaxing Thanksgiving, overall, which I know may not be the case for many of you in other families or households. Holidays can definitely disrupt our calm and put our nervous system on edge.

Thus, our question for today: "What is Nervous System Regulation? And how do we do it?"

Your Autonomic Nervous System or ANS, for short, is comprised of two interlocking systems underneath it, which are the Sympathetic Nervous System, SNS, and the Parasympathetic Nervous System, PNS. The ANS is the body's boss bitch, responsible for all things involuntary within your body, such as your breathing, heartbeat, hunger cues, etc.

The SNS mobilizes the "fight or flight" (and fawn) responses, which are key to responding to threats perceived by the body and the brain. The PNS promotes rest and digestion, as well as relaxation.

Your Vagus Nerve primarily controls most functions within your PNS. It consists of two pathways: the Ventral Vagal and the Dorsal Vagal.

The Ventral Vagal pathway is the key to all things connected, calm, socially engaged and a lower resting heart rate. Seriously! Dr. Stephen Porges, the founder of Polyvagal theory, which is what we are talking about here in this post, discovered it accidentally by studying heartrate variability. Here's an interesting video where he discusses the theory at length.

So think of the nervous system like a ladder, with Ventral Vagal at the bottom, the Sympathetic response in the middle (fight, flight, or fawn) and with Dorsal Vagal at the top.

What's the Dorsal Vagal? Dorsal Vagal is the final response. This means your body's threat detection system, the process of neuroception, has uncovered a threat to the body that is so dangerous, so great, so intense, that the body believes there's no chance for you to overcome the threat.

And thus, it does something really interesting... It slows the heart rate down again. It moves the body and brain into a state of freeze. It's the last level of defense. Your body instinctively you to a state of anesthesia in case you die. Which is really nice if you're facing a hungry tiger in the bushes, but not so nice when your boss requests a last minute meeting with HR on Friday afternoon.

So, what do we do with this information?

We Notice, Nurture and Navigate our Nervous System.

Noticing requires your attention to how your nervous system operates in the background. Picking up what it picks up. Noticing what it notices. Remember the process of neuroception? Your nervous system is scanning within your body for threats, throughout the room or physical space you are in, and in between you and other people for threats. Pretty cool, huh? So the first step to regulating your nervous system is to notice your different cues and figuring out which stage of the nervous system is operating in the background.

Nurturing your nervous system means choosing the right activity at the right time. So sometimes it can be a short term option, like having a glass of wine at the end of a long day, (fine), but sometimes that means choosing something that is good for you both today and tomorrow, like exercising (better). To nurture is to 'care for and encourage the growth and development of." That means that you have to balance the right now comforts with the harder self-care actions that benefit you today and tomorrow. Present you working for future you? That sort of cooperation between what you do now and envisioning how you will feel later can change your life.

Navigation--- the act of 'ascertaining one's position and planning and following a route.' With regards to regulation and your nervous system, this step is the most intensive. While it's related to the nurture aspect, navigation is more purposeful. Navigation, for many of my chronic trauma survivors, will mean big changes within their life and their current circumstances. Navigation may mean setting boundaries in relationships, quitting your soul sucking job, divorcing your abusive spouse, losing significant weight, or letting go of a substance or activity that is holding you in addiction. Navigation means shedding the 'things and relationships' that used to help you regulate so that you can find new ways to regulate, within yourself, and within your values' system.

So, I ask you, "where are you starting from? Noticing? Nurturing? Navigating?" And where do you want to be in a year from now? Stuck like you are now, in a chronic state of fight or flight? Or frozen in a depressive, dissociative state?

What if it could be different? What if you could find a therapist who could help shepherd you through the Notice, Nurture and Navigation processes of nervous system regulation? What if you could access your Ventral Vagal state more frequently and with less effort?

To start, you're welcome to a free copy of my Polyvagal Theory workbook if you are willing to subscribe to my email list. :) Click here if you'd like to gain access to that download! It's pretty freaking cool if I do say so myself!

If working together in the therapy room sounds like something you're interested in, drop me a line at info@giftofofgritcounseling.com or schedule a free consultation for counseling here!

Take exquisite care of yourself,

Megan