Weight Loss Doesn't Fix Everything: What We Really Need to Feel Whole

Over two years, I shed 91 pounds, yet I still sensed something was missing. I recall the moment I stepped on the scale and saw that I had reached my all-time highest weight, surpassing my pregnancy weight by an astonishing 17 pounds. As I gazed at that figure, I thought, "This is it. I'm done with this." Thus began my journey toward health, managing my Hashimoto's Hypothyroid diagnosis, and understanding my PCOS.

Sometimes, even after losing weight, you can feel like your brain is stuck in sand, just like these barbells. You want to move forward. You just don't know how.

Choosing to seek assistance for weight loss, whether through medication, nutritional guidance, or surgery, is a wise choice. It signifies that you've acknowledged your human limitations and recognized the need for help. Once you receive that help and reach your goal, it feels amazing. But only for a brief time. Then that pesky question arises: "What now?"

Even with major weight loss from GLP-1s or bariatric surgery, many people are surprised to find that the deeper wounds—emotional pain, self-worth struggles, relationship challenges—remain unhealed. This blog is for you.

The Promise and the Hope of GLP-1 Medications and Weight Loss Surgery

In my clinical experience, people don't choose these routes in order to 'take the easy way out.' Most of them have struggled with their weight their entire lives. They chose these options as a last resort-- a way to finally achieve the health that has long been denied them, but also as a path to belonging (in a society that truly seems to hate larger bodies), confidence and as relief to shame.

People get lost in the fantasy of "Once I lose the weight, I'll be..."

Successful
Happy
Worthy (of love, attention, belonging.)
Confident
In Control (of my food intake, my body, my wellbeing, etc.)
Desired
Healthy
Free (to travel, speak up, go to the beach, take up space.)

These aren’t shallow hopes—they’re often very tender, very human longings. And most were planted early, through messaging from family, media, society, healthcare providers, or painful experiences of rejection. The problem is... all of these things/beliefs have to be nurtured, grown or shifted while losing the weight and after, in order for you to flourish. Losing the weight exposes the deeper feeling that most people avoid: the feeling of being too much and never enough. True freedom comes not just from shedding pounds, but from unlearning the stories you were told about your worth. Your worth isn't dependent on your weight or size and it never was. You are worthy, simply because you exist. You deserve to believe this, and feel this is true, down to your very core.

What These Weight Loss Interventions Can Fix

Let’s start with what does change—and why so many people feel real, tangible benefits after medical weight loss interventions.

Because here’s the truth: Weight loss can bring relief. Especially when it’s tied to physical discomfort, chronic illness, or years of struggling.

You might be walking farther, your lab numbers improved or your ability to leave food on your plate finally materializes (for the first time in your life). For some people, they find as they lose the weight, their willingness to move their bodies improves, and their goals shift naturally to support their new lifestyle.

The external validation and "kindness" from the world increases (check out skinny privilege and pretty privilege on Reddit sub-threads if you don't believe me). The lectures from your doctor cease, and the compliments start to roll in. And here’s the hard part: those compliments feel good and can feel confusing.

They sometimes bring up grief—why didn’t I deserve that kindness before?

All of these changes are surface-level if they’re not accompanied by emotional healing. Yes, the body feels different. But your inner world—the way you see yourself, your story, your wounds—may not have caught up.

And that’s where many people feel blindsided. Because no one warned them that weight loss would not erase pain, trauma, or years of being made to feel "less than."

What Weight Loss Doesn’t Heal—And Why That Can Feel So Confusing

The wounds from your past aren't magically healed upon reaching goal weight. In fact, the ghosts of trauma linger in the body and in somatic memories that can actually be triggered by losing weight.

For example, we know that childhood sexual abuse in women is linked to adult rates of obesity, specifically at a rate of 42.25% of women with a childhood sexual abuse history having large weight gain, compared to 28.4% of women without such a history of trauma. (Noll JG, Zeller MH, Trickett PK, Putnam FW. Obesity risk for female victims of childhood sexual abuse: a prospective study. Pediatrics. 2007 Jul;120(1):e61-7. doi: 10.1542/peds.2006-3058. PMID: 17606550.)

Losing the weight can make you feel like you've lost your protective armor, the part of you that deflected dangerous attention and kept you safe. Losing that armor can make you feel vulnerable, unprotected, dysregulated, and at risk.

Mental Health Can Actually Feel Worse at First

Many people are surprised to feel more anxious, depressed, or emotionally dysregulated after major weight loss.
Why? Because food may have been a source of soothing, and that coping mechanism has now changed or been restricted.
In some cases, disordered eating thoughts intensify post-weight loss, especially without psychological support.

You May Still Feel the Same Insecurity—Just in a Smaller Body

That inner critic? Still there.
That fear of not being enough? Still whispering.
That dread of gaining the weight back? Now louder than ever.

💬 Relationships Might Not Improve—Or Might Get More Complicated

Some people treat you better. Others become jealous, uncomfortable, or distant.
If you’re partnered, things may shift in unexpected ways: intimacy, power dynamics, attraction.
You may find yourself asking: Did they only start liking me because I look different?
Or: Why do I still feel lonely, even though I’m getting more attention?

You’re Still Carrying the Emotional Weight

And that’s the real crux: You’ve lost the pounds, but not the pain. The shame. The pressure. The unspoken fear that it could all come back.

A Gentle Truth

If this is you, you’re not broken. You’re not ungrateful. You’re just realizing that body change and soul healing are two different journeys. And it’s okay to need support for both.

So What Does Help? (And What Healing Really Looks Like)

If you’re nodding along, feeling seen—but also a little disoriented—you’re not alone.

Here’s the truth most people aren’t told before their weight loss journey: Changing your body doesn’t automatically change your beliefs about your worth. That work takes intention, tenderness, and often, support.

So what actually helps?

💬 1. Processing Your Story, Not Just Your Symptoms

Working with a therapist can help you untangle years of internalized shame, old stories about your body, and the “rules” you’ve been living by. You deserve more than behavior tips—you deserve space to feel, grieve, and reimagine your identity. Somatic practices in therapy can also help you identify and heal the stuck parts of yourself, the parts of you that still believe you aren't worthy.

🧠 2. Healing Your Relationship With Your Body—Not Just Managing It

This means practicing body neutrality (not toxic positivity), reconnecting with how your body feels instead of just how it looks, and finding new ways to relate to movement, rest, and food without fear. Managing your body leads to control, and control isn't possible. What is possible is learning to work with your body, to support your health for the whole journey.

❤️ 3. Building Self-Compassion Muscles

Especially after years of perfectionism, people-pleasing, or chasing approval, compassion is a radical shift. It sounds like: “I’m allowed to be human. ”And: “My worth was never conditional in the first place.” We focus on Kristen Neff's view of self-compassion, which is three-pronged: Self-kindness, Common humanity, & Mindfulness.

🧱 4. Creating Safety and Stability—From the Inside Out

Whether it’s regulating your nervous system, setting boundaries in relationships, or grieving old versions of yourself, the work is to build emotional safety that doesn’t depend on your body staying a certain size.

🙋‍♀️ You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

If this resonated—if you’ve lost the weight but still feel heavy with pressure, confusion, or grief—I want you to know: this is work I deeply understand and hold space for.

I work with people who are navigating the emotional aftermath of major body changes, including those brought on by GLP-1 medications or bariatric surgery. There's no shame here for getting help to lose the weight, and there's no shame in getting help after losing it either. My approach is gentle, trauma-informed, somatic and nervous system oriented, and grounded in helping you feel like a whole person again.

🔹 Ready for support?

You can book a consultation or read more about how I work here. Let’s help your inner life catch up to the changes in your outer one.

Take Exquisite Care of Yourselves,

Megan