Hi friends! I hope you are doing well. Today, I'd thought we'd tackle a specific type of problem that shows up in the therapy room with many of my clients: obsessive doubt.
If you're curious about 'obsessive doubt,' think of it like super intense anxiety. It's when you can't stop worrying about what might happen in the future, or what could have happened in the past. Like, are you really in love? Did you pick the right partner? Could you have hurt someone without even knowing it? Did the doctor miss something during your check-up? Is the world gonna be okay? Will you have enough money? The person with obsessive doubt struggles to trust their senses, their memories, their actions, even themselves, at their very core.
When the uncertainty train leaves, it takes us to the land of obsession. This is where doubt turns into desperation. We start obsessing over things, creating stories in our heads that make us super anxious and scared about things that haven't even happened. And then, to feel better, we might start doing things over and over to try to feel safe and calm. Like... counting, or googling, or asking our best friends to listen to us describe how much we love our partner and all the reasons why, or creating budget sheet after budget sheet to make certain you have enough money. Compulsiveness can look like reading the news multiple times per day, scanning for 'feel-good' articles to prove to yourself that there's still good in the world, but then distrusting them when you do read them, because after all, there's so many bad, awful terrible news stories out in the world, too.
Make no mistake, people who aren't in therapy have doubts, too. All people do. But most humans have doubts that they can then turn off or move away from, because they know living in fear and doubt keeps them stuck, paralyzed, unable to move forward.
Let's use one of the doubt-based questions above: "What if the doctor missed something at my last wellness check up?" What is the potential consequences of this happening? The person plagued with this doubt might find themselves struggling not to overreact, and their inner monologue might sound something like this,
"I just noticed a strange mole on my body, and I went to the doctor last week and they looked at it and said it seemed fine, that it didn't meet the criteria for any further testing. They're a great doctor, and I usually trust them, but what if? What if they missed something at my check up? What if it's melanoma and I am completely at stage four and it's terminal and I die? I once read a news article where a women's melanoma was underneath her skin and she didn't start showing signs until it was too late. I'd feel like I let my family down if I don't get this checked out again and I die and leave them all here without me. I better go google pictures of melanoma for the next two hours, while I wait for the doctor's office to call me back so I can go back for a biopsy."
Does the above story sound familiar? Maybe your anxiety or doubt doesn't hang its hat onto that particular hook.
Maybe you instead are terrified of making the wrong decision in future colleges, careers, life partners, places to live, etc. Perhaps you find yourself awake at night laying next to your loving, kind, thoughtful partner of 23 years and you're suddenly struck with the thought, "What if I don't love them enough?" And then you can't stop worrying about that. If you don't love them 'enough,' then don't they deserve to be with someone who can love them better? What if you have to get divorced because you don't love them enough?' When you can't get this thought to calm down, then you rush into googling, 'How do you know you love your partner enough?' The search results spike your anxiety further though, because the first article that pops up is titled, "When Love isn't Enough." Cue the pounding heart, the dry mouth, the tears, the nausea in your stomach.
See how quickly things can escalate? Whew! I was starting to get a bit nervous just thinking about it. But at the core of all these uncertainties is the basic question: "Am I secure?" Our minds are always on the lookout for potential threats, and you know what's risky? Stepping into new areas of your life. Anxiety acts as a signal, reminding you to recognize your current needs, which usually involve safety, assurance, and confidence in yourself and your perceptions. It's crucial to trust what you can see, feel, touch, taste, and know in the present moment, and rely less on your imagination, which often creates doubts to steer you towards safety and away from danger.
The next time you experience a thought like the ones above, or even one that sounds like a statement, ask yourself "What else could it be?" This question will open your mind to the other possibilities, and maybe, just maybe, give you a chance to breathe in a tiny bit of air before you allow the doubt to drag you underneath the rough, choppy waves of uncertainty. Life is uncertain, and the thing is, none of us make it out alive, but we can still make it good. We can still make it good.
And if you find yourself needing further support or intrigued by this blog post, I'm always just an email or a text message away to get you started on the treatment you need to help you heal in the midst of doubt and fear.
Take exquisite care of yourself,
Megan
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