Hi friends!
I hope you are doing well. I am looking forward to the joy and sorrow this holiday season brings. I'm ready for the new year and all of its hope. I hope you are feeling more ready too. If not, this blog post is just for you. All of you is welcome here. Even the parts that hate the holiday season with a passion, or the parts that feel lonely, aloof, or sad this year, and you can't exactly pinpoint why. Perhaps my words will enlighten you.
The holiday season comes with a powerful mix of expectations and emotions. As the incessantly cheerful and nostalgic music begins playing in every store, audacious advertisements flood our screens (anyone else still appalled by the car commercials where husbands just buy a vehicle and put a bow on it with no input from their wives? Just me? Oh. Carry on then.), and glitzy plans fill our calendars, we are often presented with an idealized version of the holidays—a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. Songs like "It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" encourage us to believe that everyone must be merry, festive, and fulfilled.
However, for many people, the holidays evoke a more intricate emotional experience—one that might resonate more with the somber undertones of the original lyrics of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."
The truth is that the holidays can feel heavy, complex, or downright lonely. And that's okay. If this resonates with you or someone you care about, let’s take a closer look at why this time of year can feel difficult, the emotional contrast between these two famous holiday songs, and how we can approach this season with self-compassion.
Perhaps your Christmas looks like this dumpster fire instead.
The Pressure of “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”
Andy Williams’ upbeat classic “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” paints a vivid picture of holiday cheer:
"It’s the most wonderful time of the year, with the kids jingle-belling, and everyone telling you be of good cheer."
The song builds an image of perfect family gatherings, laughter-filled parties, and sparkling celebrations. And while this might feel true for some, for others it sets an impossible standard—one that can heighten feelings of loneliness, grief, and inadequacy. When you’re struggling, whether due to loss, family conflict, maintaining sobriety, financial stress, or mental health concerns, being told to “be of good cheer” can feel invalidating, even dismissive.
The gap between what you “should” be feeling and what you actually feel can create a sense of dissonance. If you’re already coping with difficult emotions, hearing these messages on repeat can amplify shame and self-criticism. Why can’t I just enjoy the season like everyone else? Why am I the one who feels sad, anxious, or empty?
The truth is that no one’s holiday season is perfect. Life doesn’t pause for us to celebrate. Illness, loss, financial difficulties, concerns around sobriety, and strained relationships don’t suddenly resolve just because the calendar hits December. If anything, these struggles can feel magnified.
A Different Holiday Song: The Original “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”
In contrast, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” offers a more grounded and bittersweet perspective. History fact a la Wikipedia: 'Some of the original lyrics penned by Martin were rejected before filming began. When presented with the original draft lyric, Garland, her co-star Tom Drake and director Vincente Minnelli criticized the song as depressing, and asked Martin to change the lyrics. Though he initially resisted, Martin made several changes to make the song more upbeat.
For example, the lines "It may be your last / Next year we may all be living in the past" became "Let your heart be light / Next year all our troubles will be out of sight". Garland's version of the song, which was also released as a single by Decca Records, became popular among United States troops serving in World War II; her performance at the Hollywood Canteen brought many soldiers to tears.' The song's original lyrics captured the ache and quiet hope of the season:
“Have yourself a merry little Christmas, it may be your last / Next year we may all be living in the past.”
“Someday soon we all will be together, if the fates allow / Until then we’ll have to muddle through somehow.”
While these lyrics were softened over time (Frank Sinatra was the next artist to request edits) to sound more hopeful, their core message remains poignant. The holidays aren’t always about exuberant joy; sometimes, they’re about muddling through. They acknowledge the pain of separation, the bittersweet nature of memory, and the reality that joy and sorrow often coexist. In fact, you can't have joy without sorrow. The contrast between the two feelings is what defines them. It's what gives us empathy. It helps us understand what other people are going through.
This version of the song is tender and realistic, honoring the truth that sometimes the best we can do is have a "merry little Christmas." And that’s enough.
Why the Holidays Can Feel Heavy: Understanding ‘Holiday Syndrome’
The phenomenon known as “holiday syndrome” can help explain why the holiday season is challenging for many people. Coined by psychiatrist Dr. John L. Cameron, the term refers to the emotional and physical stress that often arises during the holidays. Symptoms may include heightened anxiety, depression, irritability, and fatigue—all of which are amplified by the pressure to perform happiness and perfection during this season.
Several factors contribute to holiday syndrome:
Grief and Loss: For those who have lost loved ones, the holidays can intensify feelings of grief. Traditions, empty chairs at the table, or memories of happier times can serve as painful reminders of who is no longer there.
Family Dynamics: Many people experience stress or conflict during family gatherings. Old wounds may resurface, or difficult relationships can feel unavoidable during obligatory celebrations.
Financial Stress: The pressure to buy gifts, host events, or travel can cause significant financial strain, especially for individuals already facing economic challenges.
Loneliness: For those without close family or friends nearby, the holidays can deepen feelings of isolation. Seeing others celebrate together may highlight one’s own sense of disconnection. The holiday season can also be particularly hard to navigate if you've made significant changes this year, like getting sober, moving away from toxic family members, or navigating the end of a relationship or marriage. If you find yourself 'white-knuckling' to make it through, please know that many, many other people feel just like you do.
Unrealistic Expectations: Whether it’s the desire for a “perfect” holiday or the need to meet others’ expectations, this pressure can lead to exhaustion and disappointment.
Understanding that holiday syndrome is a real and common experience can help normalize the struggles you may feel. You are not alone in finding this time of year difficult.
Embracing a “Merry Little Christmas”: Permission to Feel
If the holidays bring up more sadness or stress than joy, it’s important to give yourself permission to feel exactly as you do. Instead of forcing yourself to meet an external standard of holiday cheer, try to embrace your reality with compassion. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Honor Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel down, isolated, or stressed during the holidays. Allow yourself to acknowledge and sit with those emotions. Holidays are rife with trauma anniversaries, anxiety-provoking social interactions, and financial stress. It makes sense if you feel 'stuff' right now. All of your old 'stuff' is probably coming to the surface.
2. Create Your Own Traditions and Drop the Performance: If old traditions bring painful memories, consider creating new ones that feel more meaningful or manageable. This might mean a quiet evening with a favorite movie, volunteering, or taking a walk in nature. Traditions can be shifted. And maybe by shifting them, your feelings will shift too. Letting go of the act might involve not forcing yourself to appear ecstatic or snapping countless photos for Instagram. It means being true to yourself, right where you are, at this moment, and valuing the path that brought you here.
3. Set Boundaries: Protect your time and energy by saying no to events, conversations, or commitments that feel draining. You don’t have to attend every party or meet every expectation. You also don't have to buy gifts for every person that buys you a gift. You can limit the celebration to what feels feasible and festive, for you.
4. Focus on Small Moments of Comfort: Instead of striving for perfection, find peace in small joys: a cup of hot Christmas tea, a fuzzy blanket, the twinkling lights, or connection with a loved one. Let “a merry little Christmas” be enough. Matching pajamas and a meticulously crafted Christmas card do not create a joyful holiday.
5. Seek Support: If you’re struggling, know that you don’t have to face it alone. Reaching out to friends, family, or a mental health professional can help you navigate this season with thoughtfulness, support and intention.
Your Holidays Don’t Have to Be Perfect.
The holidays are often portrayed as the most joyful, wonderful time of the year. But if you find yourself feeling melancholy, lonely, or overwhelmed, you’re not alone. The bittersweet message of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” reminds us that it’s okay to honor our struggles and allow ourselves to simply muddle through when needed.
This year, give yourself the gift of compassion. Whether your holiday feels joyful, painful, or somewhere in between, know that it’s enough to have a merry little Christmas in whatever form that takes for you.
And if you need to meet with a therapist after the holidays so that you stop just 'muddlin' through somehow,' schedule a consultation with me here. I'd love to help you find a way for a little merriness to shine through, even in really dark times.
Take Exquisite Care of Yourself,
Megan
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